Supporting Survivors

Healing takes time. After a traumatic event, an individual may experience the following:

• Difficulty with concentration and focus
• Feelings of anger, shame, embarrassment, guilt, self-blame
• Fear of being alone or situations that remind them of their experience
• Changes in quality of sleep, sleep patterns and experiences of nightmares
• Changes in appetite and eating behaviors
• Intrusive memories of the event or constant thoughts of the event
• Social withdrawal and isolation
• Changes in appearance
• Negative coping behaviors with substance use

If a friend displays any of these signs, or other signs of distress, check in, listen, affirm and refer to supportive resources. 
 

It can be difficult to learn your student has been hurt or is hurting. Because they may have experienced feelings of shame or concerns about your reaction, survivors may not disclose to you right away. 

• Reaffirm that what happened to them is not their fault. 
• Avoid asking your student for more details than they are willing to share, nor questions that may redirect blame. 
• Support your student and offer autonomy in decisions regarding follow up care. They experienced a loss of control and need to have ownership over decisions. 
• They may be seeking options to support their emotional healing rather than options for justice. This is ok. 

Please know, if your student chooses to speak with one of our confidential staff members or seek medical or mental health care on our campus, staff will not be able to speak with you about your student unless permission is granted in writing by your student. They can speak generally to processes and resources but your child's confidentiality will be protected.

Navigating care and support for your student can be difficult on caregivers too. You may experience a range of emotions such as anger, guilt, disbelief and helplessness. It may be helpful to get connected with a local support group or resource center. While our local community partners are listed on our resources page, you can also contact the National Sexual Assault Hotline 800-656-4673 to be connected with a provider closer to you.

Students often disclose experiences with sexual assault, dating violence or stalking to their friends first. The support they receive from their first disclosure is most predictive of their healing process.

• Believe them and thank them for trusting you with their experience
• Listen non-judgmentally and ask how you can help
• Assure them they are not to blame and remind them that they are not alone
• Keep supporting them by helping them to connect with campus or local resources

It can be stressful when someone you care about has experienced trauma. As a caring person, you are not alone and there are people on campus who can listen and support you. You do not have to manage a friend's situation or support them through trauma on your own. Please reach out to one of the many confidential resources for your own support, too.

As community members who interact with students, faculty and staff must be prepared to respond in a caring way to a disclosure so as to prevent secondary trauma. It can be helpful to familiarize yourself with the SILVER acronym:

• Safety is the top priority
• Inform of mandated reporting
• Listen to them
• Validate their experience
• Empower them with choices
• Refer to resources and report

It is important to stay aware of your reporting responsibilities. A list can be found in Appendix E on the Title IX page. 

As a faculty or staff member, if you receive a disclosure, your role is to provide a supportive presence and connection to longer-term resources. You do not have to manage a student's situation or support them through trauma on your own. It is always okay to set boundaries and recognize your own limits. If you find yourself in need of additional support, Bentley's Employee Assistance Program is a free and confidential resource available to all employees.